Killer new skunk strain from Iran

There are indications that the Iranian Government are investing in dangerous drugs to undermine countries opposed to their nuclear weapons programme and their testing ground is Australia. Evidence for the Iranian Government’s involvement comes from an Australian Government source who did not wish to be identified.

“Australia punches above its weight in global security just like it does at sport and undermining Australian capacity is certainly something the Iranian Government would like to see happen. This is a very dangerous situation and we have been keeping our allies informed.”

Hundreds of young Australian’s have been pouring into the countries hospitals after they have got stoned out of their minds on the new strain of cannabis known as “Atom bomb merci.” Tests have shown that the cannabis contains no CBD at all and has an incredibly high quantity of THC. In naturally occurring cannabis strains there two active ingredients are in balance, THC on its own is thought to be dangerous and this appears to be what the Iranian’s have exploited. 

Professor Ivan Blödarsch of the Royal Australian Committee on Dangerous Drugs told us, “There are crystals on the surface of the cannabis flowers which we think might be another drug. The users like it because it makes the cannabis all shiny and they associate that with good quality drugs. They may have used one of the new legal highs from China, we are still carrying out tests but we think it might be MDAI.”

We spoke to Dean, a long term cannabis smoker from Adelaide, “it is really strong stuff, some people have lost their minds on a single drag. I tried it and found it really difficult to cope, I spent a week sitting at home having all sorts of paranoid delusions about the water supply in Adelaide being turned off by somebody in Melbourne. Luckily, I have had some psychiatric problems before and knew what to expect. I pity the kids who don’t know what is happening to them.”

According to the authorities, they were picking kids out of the gutter in student nightlife hotspots all last weekend. The Ambulance Service in Adelaide reported picking up twenty five students in Rundle Street alone.

Robert Smith, spokesperson for the Bogan Liberation Front said, “Cannabis already dangerously effects our defence capability through the way it metrosexualises, so this is a very worrying situation, the last thing we need is diggers (soliders) worrying about their skin hydration.”