Cigarettes and love

I started smoking when I finally gave up trying to make my boyfriend stop smoking. From an early age I hated smoking, my Dad smoked and the house always smelt horrible and I could hardly breathe when I was at home, I was always very anti-smoking. I studied Nursing and spent time on a cancer ward and saw the horrific ways in which people died slowly and painfully from smoking related cancers.

It was from that point that I took the view that I could not stand smoking. However I started going out with this guy who smoked and I tolerated it for a while then I began trying to encourage him to no avail, we eventually broke up, but I regretted that, so what did I do - I started smoking to prove that it wasn't an issue, we did not get back together so I stopped just like that, I was not addicted to cigarettes, which is why I cannot comprehend how people get so addicted, I used to smoke between 10 and 15 cigs a day.

Anyway after quitting for 2 years I met this guy who I fell in love with over night, yes he was another smoker, he did really only smoke at the weekend but that really isn't the point. Anyway I started smoking socially again as that was the only way I could handle him smoking, I know that many people on here will think I am off my rocker and maybe I am a bit weird but for some reason while I was with him and I was smoking too I could tolerate the disgusting habit. I did tell him I wanted him to quit and he said that I should stop coz I was being a hypocrite, which I suppose I was but I said if I stop smoking I will be going on at you constantly to stop and getting very very upset when you do smoke.

He said he would stop smoking at weekends, anyway the first weekend he was supposed to have quit, he gave in and had a cigarette, I flipped out and said if you can't even manage one night (the first night as well) what chance have you got of staying smoke free for the weekends to come?!

So I walked out yesterday because I told him I couldn't handle maybe losing him in years to come to some illness due to smoking which could have been prevented by not smoking, I cannot get my head round why people would willingly posison themselves slowly, it just doesn't make sense to me, although I guess all the smokers on here will say its addiction...but I don't get it because I can stop smoking just like that I don't have any withdrawl symptoms or cravings at all. I haven't stopped crying since walking out on him and keep feeling like I have made a big mistake, but my opinion will not change, I do not want him to smoke.

I wish cigarettes had never been invented as they cause so many problems for millions of people. I still love him to bits and would love to get back together with him, but whenever I see him light one of those cancer sticks my heart sinks, I feel sick and I could actually cry and he has even said to me that 'you would be more forgiving if I cheated on you', I probably would be more forgiving for that to be honest. So if anyone is reading this who hasn't started smoking, please don't start, smoking is expensive, causes unhappiness and will probably kill you painfully.