Synthetic Spice Near-Death Experience

 

Went to friends out on Christmas Eve, smoked a cigarette then was offered 3 hits of synthetic spice, we went inside and smoked and then came back out to the arctic entryway to smoke another cigarette.

Immediately we both noticed that it was a much stronger high than usual, but my friend seemed fine.

I on the other hand felt an acute awareness, so much so that it became intolerable, after a few minutes of talking about it with him my vision began to blur (what he saw).   I couldn't even light my cigarette and eventually involuntarily dropped lighter and cigarette on the floor.

I felt like I was being pulled inside my head.  Then I felt a crushing weight all around me and I fought it but I was losing and I knew it.  It didn't feel like a blackout though, of which I've had several in the form of panic attacks before, they passed quickly and I was conscious again.

Unfortunately this was different.  I didn't feel like if I let go and fell into "oblivion" I would wake up a moment later, I felt and believe to this day (can drug-induced delusions persist afterwards?) that it was real, that if I had let go I would have died and been crushed into oblivion, all while sitting in a cold entryway in a cheap plastic chair.

During the initial experience in the arctic entryway I could barely see and barely cared, I was fighting immensely hard not to be 'crushed', I truly felt my life was on the line.

Then my friend got up and came over and talked to me, I held onto his voice but it took(and I asked him later) 5 minutes of him telling me to  keep my eyes open and take breaths before I could even find the strength to actually do any of it.

It went on for another 15 minutes, him telling me over and over and over to try to take a long deep breath.  I was capable, I wasn't hyperventilating and my throat hadn't collapsed.  It was probably the hardest fight I've had in my life, and 3 times I 'pulled' myself back into being able to feel my body and see clearly and just when I'd breathed a sigh of relief I was immediately sucked back into that crushing force, deep in my mind.  Or so it felt.

On the third try I finally held on, but it wasn’t for another 20 minutes until I was able to finally stand up, and even then I felt that same crushing force around my body, it felt like something was trying to push me out of existence. 

I should note that 5 minutes before I attempted and succeeded barely to stand that I was told I went into a severe 'down' state at which point I recited all the flaws in me and my life and what I needed to do to fix them, I was loud, to the point and utterly frank.

With his help I made it downstairs and onto a couch in a back room.  I remember talking with my friend for a while down there, maybe 30 minutes, the whole time periodically closing my eyes and feeling like at any moment I would return to the arctic entry experience and have to fight for my life all over again. 

At that point I was traumatized severely to the point of delirium, especially since I could still remember that crushing force that I still believe would have lead to my death if I had given in.  It had felt utterly real.  Remembering it today I still feel it’s real, even though I know it might have been a hallucination.

Anyways during this time on the couch I talked to my friend about what happened, and he told me what he saw, we were both appalled, since he was fine and I had done synthetic pot many times and in larger doses before.

Then I began to feel an itch in my throat, and a second later I screamed at him to call 911, 2 seconds before I felt my throat collapse just underneath my Adam’s apple.  I was suffocating for 30 seconds on the couch and he had to run out of the room because I was panicking and loud.  After he left I felt like I couldn't escape death twice, I knocked my dog off the couch I was on so I wouldn't hurt it, along with anything else that wasn't a blanket or pillow.

I had resigned myself to death at that point.  It stayed collapsed for 2 minutes before he came back in to say an ambulance was on its way, and then about 10 seconds later it just like that popped open and I wheezed in a tiny breath and immediately spit up very thick saliva.

I was on the floor then I remember, barely breathing but telling him I was ok, don’t send the ambulance, don’t send it.  He helped me back up while still on the phone with 911, then a minute later it collapsed again and I completely lost it then, I wanted to die at that point but I couldn't stop myself from fighting it and trying to breath, it ended up happening 2 more times before the ambulance finally got there and I remember screaming at the emits to do something, I couldn't breathe but they stood there for 2 minutes staring at me because my eyes were apparently continually rolling up into my head every second.

I was angry to the point of violence then, though I don't remember how I was violent as they helped me walk to the ambulance.  I only know because the emits noted it in their paperwork and one of the nurses told me later.

All the way to the hospital and for 2 hours sitting in an ER bed I was completely closed off, or I tried to be for some reason.  I HAD to shut my eyes, because when I did I was happy and content and peaceful.  Whenever they asked me questions I couldn't help but ignore them for a while, then I would reluctantly open my eyes and answer then go back to the my inner world of swirling colours and peace.

I didn't move hardly at all that whole time and I remember vividly one moment in the ER where a some part of me said "you're being watched" and I got angry, and pitiable to them for not realizing how fragile and pointless it all was.  And this is fresh memory, only a day later, I remember my head turning up and to the right and my eyes opening and there stood a mid-twenties nurse, just staring at me with pity.

I stared hard at her, no expression on my face and she turned away quickly, as soon as she did I closed my eyes again and went back to my inner world.   I feel bad, that had to have shocked her quite a bit and even I don't know why I did it, but I never saw that particular nurse after that all during my stay.